Well here i am before the next step of the journey.
I so far have lived with both my mother and father and have been taken away from both of them , so i guess parenting skills were not the best asset they both possessed. Although saying that life seemed more normal with the short time i was with my father as no physical abuse was present, maybe a little mental abuse from his childlike mind and used abuse for a purpose but nothing that i can say at the time remembering to have affected me in later life, only the question where was he for all those years. Where as with my mother well that’s a different story, lots of questions to ask why things happened and answers still to come forth to this day as the one that have been given just don’t sit well with me.
Well so far i have been in three different children’s homes and have had numerous carers and social workers. Schools well i cant remember how many but i guess my education academically has suffered and my social interaction with people has become misguided , after all who do you trust, who do you get close too. Childhood friends and people you should trust and look up to will be there one day and then i wont be the next or they will have gone themselves. So in real terms i must be one mixed up little lad by now, but i don’t recall it that way, its what i am used to, if you have never had the security of family and close friendships do you miss it if it isn’t there anymore. It would be something i would and still in a way carry with me part of my defence mechanism. But i do have times now to remember that were good and fun and one thing i can take take from living with my father in later life is my appreciation for wildlife and the great outdoors. Years later i would be drawn back to that place i lived with him and remember that place with some warm feeling. I would also visit many other places i have lived or stayed as a way of piecing together my early years where the memories were blurred by the not so important or eventful times.
But on i go now with the next part of the journey and wondering where and with who i will end up next.
